Lack of understanding

I can't pretend I understand addiction.  I don't.  I've lived with one for a good part of my life. There has been an addict consistently in my life as long as I can remember.  It is a life that is all too familiar, however I'm such a stranger all in the same. 

My family is in the middle of an addiction crisis, yet I still struggle with the grasp addiction can have over a person.  My sister just left her third rehab facility.  She found a place that would let her stay until she was ready to leave.  We all thought this was it, she finally found help.  She pitched the idea to the family that this place was for her.  It was holistic and would accommodate her dietary choices.  She of course needed money for this place and expected asked the family to shell out the 30 grand so she could recover. She stayed almost 7 months.  She let the family know she was ready to move on, reclaim her life. We were excited and hopeful as well as nervous.  It's been four years since she has been able to function as a self supporting adult.  She picked a city by the ocean that she loved and even had a job lined up.  She appeared to be on the right track.  She chose to leave rehab with a new boyfriend she met at rehab.  They were in this together. 

After 7 months of sobriety, having a clear head, she relapsed the first night after rehab.  However, she kept this fact hidden for awhile and was seemingly doing well the first few days.  Then she hit a big bump.  They went on a week long bender.  We (her family) remained hopeful that she had encountered just a little hiccup in her recovery.  We chose to believe she could pull herself out of this.  After all, she had the tools to deal with this beast, she was where she wanted to be, and had the chance right before her to start building her life once again.  Well, she did pull herself up and came back around, that is, for a few days.  Then she fell even harder.  Now this city of hers was thousands of miles away from any family.  We felt helpless and desperate.  I had a pit in my stomach for two weeks.  I would go to bed wondering if she would OD or wind up dead on the streets with no ID, no way for anyone to know who she was. A phone call from her was simply a sight of relief that she was still alive.

For a week straight I talked to my parents about what we should do if anything at all.  We wanted her to take responsibility for her addiction.  She could go back to rehab.  They have a policy about relapsing within the first 6 months.  But does she want help? Does she even care? What is it going to take for her to get through this? We were at our wits ends.

For a solid week she worked her manipulative magic on anyone who would give her an ear.  We still haven't learned.  Is love that blind?  There is no doubt that she has a family full of people who love her dearly and truly want her to be healthy in body, mind, and soul.  She knows it.  She uses all people in her life.  Whatever it takes to get her next fix.  I've always wondered just what that meant.  I've read stories about addicts and heard that phrase, but it wasn't until now that I truly understood.  I expect her to manipulate our parents, me, uncles, cousins, but she has always had a respect for our grandparents.  She keeps them out of this mess.  Not this time.  She called them with a story about not having the proper shoes.  She moaned and groaned about how cold she was and how wet she had gotten.  Only if she had some boots to keep her warm and dry.  What do her loving grandparents do?  Send her money, of course.  They can't bare the thought of her being wet and cold. What's even more despairing is to hear my grandmother's comment when she realized they had just sent money to feed her addiction. "I hope she enjoys her goddamn boots!"

My dad finally decides to go up there to try to get her back to rehab.  The sound of his voice after seeing her broke my heart.  I have never heard my dad sound so broken. I don't have words to describe his pain.  His baby girl turned into a trashy junkie.  I can still see my sister's bright sparkling blue eyes full of spunk, spirit and life.  What has happened?