Fried Eggs

Back when I was in high school, I vividly remember a commercial that would air quite regularly.  It would start by introducing your brain by holding up an egg.  Then they would crack the egg over a frying pan.  The viewer could clearly hear the sizzling sound follow by a man saying, "This is your brain on drugs."  For some reason this image has stuck in my mind all these years.

This is how I envision my sister's brain, fried.  Her brain is not the same any more.  It hasn't been for a long time.  When she found her third rehab, I thought that maybe she would come back to us, that is her full mind.  Since she could stay at this place for such a long time, I was hopeful it would give her body, soul, and mind a chance to come back around.  Well we got a glimpse of the old sister, but that was all.  For some reason, I have struggled with her speech the most.  It's probably because this is my only real connection with her for the past 2 1/2 years.  I live across the country and do not see her, so I have become very in tune with my family members voices, speech patterns, and dialects.  It gives me comfort to recognize a person's voice.  That has all changed with her, even when she's 7 months sober.  My sister used to have an incredibly peppy, happy voice.  When she had something to tell you, she spoke so fast it was hard to keep up.  I could picture her face, her hands, her body language, all from listening to her voice.  Like I said, it gave me comfort.  Being so far away, I still felt like I knew her, like she was right next to me.  I can't do this anymore.  Sometimes I hardly recognize her voice at all.  Without caller id I wouldn't.  She has lost all evidence of being happy or cheerful.  Her zest for life is gone.  She's broken.  Her speech is s...l....o....w and drawn out.  Sometimes she as sober as day, but I have that little question in my head, has she been drinking, all because of slurred words.  And what's worse, I can't picture her.  I can't figure out what mannerisms she might be using or expressions she has on her face.  I can't even picture her face.  Bottom line:  I don't know this person.  My beloved sister is a stranger, completely unfamiliar.

Although her body at times is an unexplainable force, her mind clearly shows the evidence.  We all know that there will be a last time if she continues to abuse her body in this way.  Her body will one day give out.  This brings me back to the fried egg commercial.  Her brain is partly fried.  I continue to hope and pray that she can climb out of this mess before her "egg" is completely fried.